• Reasons to marry me: We'd eat pizza and listen to good music together and we'd probably fuck 14 times a week and buy too many pets and build pillow forts.
685,207 notes
  • Mother: BUT I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!
  • Me: ain't nobody tell you to do that tho
30,100 notes

lindsaylohoean:

if i lay here

if i just lay here

would you get the fuck out because im trying to sleep ok thanks

(via stardusttx)

43,370 notes

timothydrakes:

Why Did I Do That?: A novel by me, with special guest appearances by several alcoholic beverages

(Source: billyteddy, via not-ready-todie)

137,956 notes

faithanddagger:

I don’t care who you are. If your girlfriend falls asleep in your lap, and even after 30 minutes when both of your legs go numb, don’t move. You fucking stay there and appreciate the cute little thing in your lap. If you move you’re weak and natural selection is coming for you.

(via u-cant-see-me)

42,961 notes